⇒♥ We are born to get to know it. We look for it our whole lives, without knowing why. It makes us derail from our path despite our best efforts to stay in our lane. All the great artists are inspired by it; everyone wants to be successful and rich, because of it, only for it. Without admitting it, even without consciously realizing it, we do everything in our lives pushed by it. Some of us to prove it doesn’t exist, and some of us to prove it means everything—some of us in the pursuit of it, others through healing the side effects from it. But always in the end – it is there.
The word that, because of its overuse, lost its meaning. It’s like a new trend to pass through people’s mouths, with big slogans like ‘love yourself,’ ‘be kind,’ ‘let love be,’ etc. I remember my parents when they were young. Nobody talked about these kinds of stuff, and nobody talked about relationships. People were together as if on the down-low because everybody knew that it’s the stuff we do, not what we say, that mattered. People were just together, doing things for each other. They had morals in their relationships. The moral that not always led to the perfect relationship, but that was the endgame. And when there is a point we are trying to reach, there is always results. Or at least we are close to solving the mystery that is love. When you are an unapologetic cynic with no substance, you leave behind only ruins and confusion. You leave yourself empty.
Nowadays, if you don’t have something on the side, you are considered a loser, and if a woman doesn’t cheat on her man to teach him a lesson, she is a pushover from the last century. I don’t have a logical explanation for this, but even people who are not very close to me insist on sharing their sexual experiences with me. For the heartache – not as much. People chasing after happiness in order not to lose it. But happiness is not a birdie on your shoulder. Happiness doesn’t want you to chase after it because, believe me. It can run faster than you. Happiness thrives where there is no fear of loss, where there is no fear of mistakes, where people are ready to take whatever road love offers them. I get sad listening to people in the prime of their life speaking as if love is the single most torturous thing they had to live through. To live more than half of your life and be disappointed by the greatest thing that ever existed. On one of my tries to fly through the sky of love, a person said to me – ‘I don’t want to make you feel bad.’ Well, you don’t want to, but you still do, don’t you? Time passed, so did the bad feeling. It transformed it into something good, and the positions of winner/loser switched as fast as our love went down the drain.⇒♥
⇒♥ For my last sentiment on this lovely subject – I was out with a group of people, loud music, short stools, drinks that made us more talkative. I asked my friends – if you could live your life again would you choose to have all the love, but with all the heartbreak that comes as well or to not feel the love at all? The answer I got was what I expected – love, even the disappointing parts, but still love is there. They don’t give it up; they realize what a treasure love is. How meaningless is everything without it? The answer made me so happy; I am smiling right now writing this. It was so endearing watching them. So much beauty, secrets, sweet pain passed through their eyes when I asked the question. Their looks said everything I needed to know; they were in their past, rereading the chapters, including their love. Sometimes asking the right question is just giving the right answer. I guess everyone on the table realized there is no point in being cynical regarding love when it has given us so much. And seeing that there are so many world issues we could discuss, we decide to talk love instead.
Heartache is like a ladder that you climb. You get to the highest point and look with a straight head onto things, with feelings and presence. But it’s like that only when you have lived through the negative at first sight part of love. Love is not a lullaby for a good night. For no one. It’s not only for people like me who are Saturn in Cancer, for example. It’s like that for everybody. It’s only when you have a few disappointments and deep cuts that you understand one thing, and I really hope you do. Love is what you give. And it’s not obligated to catch up to your standards. There is no way that someone loves you, and you don’t see that. If you don’t feel the love, there is no place for you there. If you love with all your heart and it still hurts, you love till the end and be quiet until it passes. A heart can never stay long with another heart if it doesn’t get the love it deserves. The soul wants what it’s owed and if it’s a disappointment, be happy – that means we get to climb another step on the ladder. There is always the highest point, but the journey is the thing that matters. Without the journey, you don’t see the path that reveals itself after every corner. And behind every corner, there is a chance that we will not be disappointed. Every time the odds are more and more in our favor because we are growing inside. If you don’t find something here, it just means that it‘s over there. The fact that you search for it with all your heart keeps you up at night.⇒♥
⇒♥ People are building the same way, and the fact that someone doesn’t respond to your feelings means it just not you ‘everything.’ Let yourself be hurt for a while and see if it kills you. No one has died so far. If something wants to get out from you, let it flow. Release it. Give love to everything that lets you. In the end, you will see the pieces of the puzzle get in line; you get love in return, so much love you cannot fathom. And you start to understand – you want more money, be generous. You want more attention – be more attentive to people. You want more friends – be a better friend. You want more love – GIVE MORE LOVE. But how you give love if you don’t have it in you? Well, if you don’t have it in you, you don’t have the right to demand it. Live your life without love, but don’t complain that love is cruel, disappointing, or non-existent. It exists – you have to let it be. You are the only one who knows its hidden place, the only one who can free it. My talent? My talent is to see the hidden spark in everyone. In case I miss it, the person decides to give it to me by revealing their deepest thoughts. And oh, how many sparks I have collected. Thank you. ⇒♥
by Kristina Zoximova